People in love make me want to vomit
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
