I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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