There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
