I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
