I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
