I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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