I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
