I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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