she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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