areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
