This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
