dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
