New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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