I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
