My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
