3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
