We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
