Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
