Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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