come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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