the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
