i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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