why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
