You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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