I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
