hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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