I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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