when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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