She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
