But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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