im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
