called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
