my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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