We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
