party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
