I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
