ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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