uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
