I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
