Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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