is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
