She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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