also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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