My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
