I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
