Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
