dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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