He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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