All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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