I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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