I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
