Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
