My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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